the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize