just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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