Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
