You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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