whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
