lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
