You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The best revenge is premature balding
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
