is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
