Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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