So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
