i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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