the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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