I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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