i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
