so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
