sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
