im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
