omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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