My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
