We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
