Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
