I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
