I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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