I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
