I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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