Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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