she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
