just come out here and I will go home with you...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They took my balls.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
