My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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