Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
