btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize