Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
