My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
