Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He? As in you personified your dick?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
