last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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