She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she told me i tasted like america
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
