I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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