Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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