My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
