Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
