If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
