Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
