Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
