So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
