dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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