I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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