I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
