Im at strip club and am horny
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Houston, we have a squirter
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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