dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
