i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
