When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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