we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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