No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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