Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
