Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
