I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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