There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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