I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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