mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
