So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
