I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize