All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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