the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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