I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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