Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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