I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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