So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
