Kiss
Puke
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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