What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
