I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
