next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
