my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
