I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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