my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
