So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
