There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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