So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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