No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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